My name is Dave Horwitz.
I am a writer living in LA. I perform at the UCB.
My friend and I created DEALBREAKER and we wrote a book about it. I make videos too. If that's not enough, I also
Tweet.

DEHorwitz at gmail . com

Theme by nostrich.

13th July 2014

Text with 40 notes

i think i just realized that tumblr and i have sort of a giving tree/little boy relationship in that when i came to this site i was a boy and tumblr had so much to offer me and now i am a man and tumblr is the stump that i sit on aimlessly uh oh

9th July 2014

Video reblogged from with 8,094 notes

this is a perfect joke.

(Source: rach-maninov)

8th July 2014

Text with 66 notes

i know sometimes it can be difficult to navigate the rough waters of dating and love and relationships and everything can feel up in the air and confusing and you might not know where you stand all the time and texting can be a real frustration and the whole online thing is just like ‘ugh give me a break’ but i think we can all unite under the universal belief that 2014 is the horniest year in the history of time like ever i mean including caligula times so everyone just go with it and be nice to each other because motherfuckers are like dogs in heat out there i mean holy shit are you serious i mean damn ya’ll  

Tagged: damn

7th July 2014

Video reblogged from The Vimeo Blog with 143 notes

vimeo:

A guy is beside himself again and again and again over a relationship.

Stars rising comedian Elisha Yaffe and Friday Night Lights’s Stephanie Hunt. 

One of my oldest friends made a short film and it’s excellent. Watch it!

2nd July 2014

Text with 37 notes

just decided i’m going to start calling ears of corn “rolls of corn” and you’re either with me or you’re against me.

26th June 2014

Photo with 19 notes

Somebody pinch me. 
Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to get a casual HJ ;)

Somebody pinch me. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to get a casual HJ ;)

Tagged: Twittertwitter.com/Dave_Horwitz

24th June 2014

Video with 5 notes

Here’s your every-few-months-ly reminder that this song is all you need.

(Source: Spotify)

Tagged: All time favorites

24th June 2014

Video with 19 notes

Let this serve as one of the very few pieces of existing recorded evidence of me dancing well, so that when my spine degenerates and I’m a pile of useless bone I can show this to my children (or the children who live next door to me in whatever low income housing complex I wind up in when I’m old and withered) and say, “kids, gather round and watch old Dave as a young buck, moving his feet down a shockingly well lit LA side street with a witchy platinum blonde babe to the sounds of current president/former pop star Janelle Monae’s 2010 hit song Tightrope.”

23rd June 2014

Text with 34 notes

THE FOLLOWING IS FROM A REAL CONVERSATION I HAD IN MY ACTUAL LIFE

ME: (describing the aftermath of a breakup): I was in a really bad place. I lost like twelve pounds.

FRIEND WHO HAD RECENTLY HAD A MISCARRIAGE: Yeah, me too.

Tagged: think about itbest comeback of all timei felt like such an assholemy friends are the best

23rd June 2014

Photo reblogged from (concerned adult voice) with 131 notes

wehaventlocatedusyet:

"A family can be 10 dads …. That’s it, just 10 dads with no kids."

Look there I am! The only one without a mustache because I had a real beard. I never in the year I had that beard (RIP 2013-2014) regretted it, except for the day we shot this and I realized that no matter now light my baggy denim was, I would be a good 65-80% less funny looking than all my friends, because I didn’t have a fake mustache. 
Regret, thy name is mustache.

wehaventlocatedusyet:

"A family can be 10 dads …. That’s it, just 10 dads with no kids."

Look there I am! The only one without a mustache because I had a real beard. I never in the year I had that beard (RIP 2013-2014) regretted it, except for the day we shot this and I realized that no matter now light my baggy denim was, I would be a good 65-80% less funny looking than all my friends, because I didn’t have a fake mustache. 

Regret, thy name is mustache.