January 2012
42 posts
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This one goes out to all ya'll on the internet...
Hang in there.
One love.
yourpretendfriend asked: Your doppelganger is in my chemistry class at the University of Oregon just so you know. I think he's from Colorado. This isn't a question? (Now it is.)
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Benedict Cumberbatch?
Seriously? That’s his REAL NAME? Or was that name created for him in a Fancy European Name Aggregator? Here are some alternatives he could have chosen:
Kensington Featherby
Butterworth Dumbledore
Engelbert Bumbershoot
Aldous Goodweather
Brimstone Copernicus
Lazerous Rufflemore
Busker McCuskerton
Winston Fillagry
Cadbury St. Mumbleton
Florentine Quilloughby
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"Forever Alone" Is Stupid
It’s like daring the universe to keep you from achieving happiness for the rest of your life. “If I say this out loud, there’s no way it’ll ACTUALLY come true, right?” Fuck you. The universe doesn’t owe you shit. You don’t have to go out and The Secret your way through life, loudly proclaiming, “I deserve to be happy” in the vitamin aisle at...
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Fleetwood Mac - I know I’m not wrong
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Take A Bow
I can’t believe I almost forgot this, but when my last serious girlfriend and I broke up, like finally FINALLY broke up, I ended the conversation by bowing to her. I don’t even remember why or how, I just remember that I did it. I think it was out of a lack of any other words. We had literally exhausted all of the words, and I just needed to bring it to some kind of end that...
The art of getting really dumped
alisonagosti:
So, a good while back, I got really, really dumped. In part because I didn’t see it coming, but mostly because he did it by stopping by my apartment with an iced coffee and saying “I think I need to wrap this up.” The tough thing about writing about this is that I’m going to make the guy look bad. Cold and insensitive and manipulative, and that isn’t fair. We’re all just people....
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“Listen I’m 35 now, I can look back on my writing and I can say this. This is...”
– Captain Obvious Tucker Max in Forbes
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Character Notes: Annie
My writing partner and I are working on a script, and we were asked to come up with some incredibly specific notes for our characters. Backstory, personal history, likes, dislikes, etc. We were told to go into painstaking detain even though we probably wouldn’t be using most of the info in the script. Here are a few of my favorite notes about our protagonist.
Once conned her way into a...
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Grizzly Bear - Alligator (Choir Version)
I’m on a plane. Two male flight attendants just took turns trying to figure out who I looked like. I was wearing a hat all day, so my hair is standing straight up. Finally, they figured it out and started gleefully shrieking, “Sideshow Bob! Sideshow Bob!”
Virgin America, everyone.
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Watchthedailywhat:
Another Movie Trailer of the Day: First official trailer for Moonrise Kingdom — the latest installment in Wes Anderson’s storied directorial repertoire.
The film, which stars Anderson vets Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman alongside Bruce Willis, Ed Norton, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, and newcomers Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward, is set to open in theaters May 25th.
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Download "Getting Intimate With The Old Lumps" For... →
My band, The Old Lumps (indie superhero Jessica Cowley, all around superhero Charlyne Yi, and myself on drums) broke up. Don’t cry! It was last year. We don’t want our first and only album to get dusty and rotten on a shelf, so we’re putting it online for free. Have at it, internet! And enjoy. It was a lot of fun to make, so I hope it’s a lot of fun to listen to.
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The World Series Of Conversational Subtlety
ANNOUNCER: Hello sports fans, we’re here with five time WSOCS Champion Beth Samuels, who has been EFFORTLESSLY telling men at bars she has a boyfriend without making it seem like an overt brush off! Beth, tell us, how DO you do it?
BETH: Well, first of all thank you. My technique is simple. I wait for the guy to mention an activity that my boyfriend and I participate in as well. For...
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On Sleep Paralysis, Nightmares, And Brain Tricks
It’s 1:30 AM. I just woke myself up. I tried very hard, and it finally worked. Trying to pry your eyes open in the middle of a dream (or nightmare, or any other kind of ambiguous mental state) is exceedingly difficult for reasons I don’t know.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had some form of sleep paralysis. It’s a sensation where you’re dreaming, and the setting...
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Actual Resolutions
These are just small enough to work…
1. At no point will I audibly discuss any fitness/health goals, so I don’t have to feel bad for constantly breaking them.
2. No more smiling and laughing when I don’t hear what someone says in a crowded/loud setting. I vow to ask them to repeat themselves as many times as is necessary.
3. In compliance with my mom’s life long advice...
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The Dismemberment Plan - The Ice Of Boston
Pop...
December 2011
50 posts
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"Hey boys AND GIRLS-- yeah that's right I like ALL...
-what I assume a sexy lady sounds like
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Headlights - Dead Ends
I am never going to let...
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Conversation Topics With Tasha From The...
It is impossible to get through to the unemployment office, so when you do get an operator, you know it’s special. I called in at 8:27, three minutes before they opened, and Tasha answered. At one point we got disconnected and she even called me back! That is UNHEARD OF! We talked for 45 minutes, 15 of which were spent reopening my old claim. The rest of the time we talked about:
How great...
