Fuck Yeah, Pep Rally at UCB! →
(via sitko) Oh, ya’ll dih’nt know about comedy shows on Sundays? Ya’ll dih’nt know about High School themed variety shows? THEN CLICK THE LINK AND LEARN, YA’LL.
Yacht - I’m in love with a ripper no, THIS...
Can I mess up my hands if I go to sleep with my fingers crossed?
My friend James is driving cross country with the... →
(via curtneill) This is entirely worth your time to read, even if you don’t know either of the people involved. James is a VERY funny writer.
The State: Comedy For Gracious Living (1996) →
liezlwashere: The State’s unreleased comedy album from 1996. Just worked with Unheard78 to reupload the files with the correct track names. 1. Barbershop Tourettes 0:42 2. Jailbreak 3:39 3. Skip This Track (They Were Drunk) 2:07 4. Illegal Rubbing 3:15 5. The Late Mr. & Mrs. Balloon 1:09 6. The Kendalpants Manor Affair - A Sherlock Holmes Mystery 7. Zucchini Bread 1:22 8. Laurie...
Twin Sister - Nectarine
wordsbycodi: The doctors office has a show on in the lobby about sex. Apparently if you’re not having it, you’re going to get cancer and die. Well, goodbye world! Please play Motown Philly by Boys II Men at my funeral. A little east coast swing, played on a trumpet, as the casket is lowered. beautiful.
Somebody please talk me down from this
sade: Every summer I get such a strong urge to cut my hair short. I used to do it every August or so up until a couple years ago, when I just grew it long. I WANT TO CUT MY HAIR SO FUCKING BAD. But it would completely undo all the hard work of growing it out. What a dilemma. Yes, this is the biggest problem I have right now. Shut up. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! You will regret it. From...
Lady GaGa is a defective sex robot.
She is programmed to have sex but has a smooth flap where a vagina should be ie: Barbie.
I'm a scary robot?
MARISA: That's showbiz, kid.
DAVE: Showbiz Pizza? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Showbiz_Pizza_Place
MARISA: Oh yeah. That's where those scary robots came from.
DAVE: They're not scary.
MARISA: Yeah huh.
DAVE: They are enthusiastic about pizza and music.
DAVE: Am I scary? Because that aptly describes me.
Mclusky - Forget About Him I’m Mint
Good news, Tumblr!
I just saw my first Harry Potter movie! I liked it!
sitko: Jennie guest starred in a Paddington show a few months back… And she’s guest starring again tonight along with Dave Horwitz! We made a video for the show together that will be creepy, yet fun! Come see the show! Paddington, 8pm, UCB! Tonight! at 8! these 2 ladies! and me! and more ladies! and more dudes! at UCB in LA! it’s in HOLLYWOOD BABY! Catch the fever!
Dealbreaker: The Motion Picture!
(We wrote an entire movie today via Gchat. If you are a producer, you know how to contact us. Enjoy!)
Marisa: I'm your dumb friend who tells you to go on 100 dates
Dave: For inspiration for the blog.
Marisa: Yeah, but then you end up falling in love.
Dave: well duh
Marisa: and the girl gets mad that it was for a blog and runs away but then comes back. On a bridge or something
Dave: "this was just for a stupid blog?!"
Dave: "Yes, well, no, I can explain! I mean, at first it was!" But then, something happened. Something different. Something...wonderful"
Marisa: too late, she's already gone! You need a bold romantic gesture!
Dave: A skywriting plane at her outdoor garden party!
Marisa: The band is tipped off to play silly romantic song that references some shared experience. Of course, you do something romantic/embarrassing.
Dave: Clearly I'm the one singing with the band. "Allison" by Elvis Costello.
Marisa: Yeah. You take the stage…
Dave: (they're always conveniently named Allison)
Marisa: She tries to look mad but just covers her mouth and smiles and checks in with her friends.
Dave: her friends = 1 black girl, 1 asian girl, and a redhead.
Marisa: Yup. She takes the stage and then smooches you and then smushes a cake in your face or something. Everyone celebrates.
Dave: Next scene is us on a boat together. Being steered by a wacky character from earlier in the movie
Marisa: She's pregnant or holding a baby.
Dave: The eccentric man who owns the store where I got the girl her favorite necklace.
Marisa: "get right back where we started from" plays as you throw a laptop overboard.
Dave: Voice Over starts: "Turns out, what I was looking for wasn't on Tumblr, or Facebook, or any website."
Dave: *after the credits you see a dolphin using the laptop
Marisa: Dolphin winks to camera
Dave: FADE TO BLACK!
The Dodos - the ball