February 2010
I think it would be really ACTUALLY shocking If...
I'm going to watch that cool movie about the early...
Dog Time and Z Balls.
January 2010
“The job here is to separate the eels from their slime.”
– An amazingly phrased voiceover from Dirty Jobs.
If Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right, What Do They...
Two wrongs make a double wrong. They’re bonded together and they’re stronger because of it. It’s a powerful thing, this double wrong. It can stomp all over your hopes and dreams and it can reduce a man to rubble. Watch out for the double wrong, for it is a vengeful and spiteful wrong that is fortified with so much wrong it could turn a good woman into a harlot, and a bad man into...
The Mae Shi - Lamb and the Lion
Dog Wedding: A Tragedy in 4 Acts
I wrote a 4 act play last night at 3 AM. It’ll probably take you 1.2 minutes to read. Plot: 2 dogs are getting married. It’s retarded.
act 1
act 2
act 3
act 4
jshdivision:
Lipstick Vogue - Elvis Costello
If...
The Who - Mary Anne With the Shaky Hand
TRUTH BOMB!!!!
PEARL: I actually kind of like puzzles. Like...a guy is hanging from a chandelier, below him is a puddle of water....that kind of thing.
DAVE: Oh, I like the ones like "you are 26 and your life is going fine. What will it take to make you actually happy?"
PEARL: Not going to happen. Unless maybe you get significantly stupider.
Waste of Calories: Bullshit Lunch Edition
My favorite thing to do in this world is eat. I love food that is delicious. It makes me so happy to eat a meal that tastes great and satisfies my appetite.
Conversely, my least favorite thing to do is eat stupid food so I can give my dumb body the energy it needs to keep on puttering along until I can have real food. I hate having somewhere to be in 15 minutes and a hunger in my stomach/no real...
The Unicorns - The Clap
Celebrity Crushes: Past and Present
First Crush:
Tanya Coolidge, adorable star of ABC’s “That’s Our Debbie!”
Middle School Crushes:
Kix Delaney, LadyBassist for the grunge band Beav City
Christy Pepperton, Deceased VH1 vj (assassinated at NYE ‘98 Telecast during Smashmouth’s set)
Merp, the Anthropomorphized turkey sandwich from the short lived cartoon show “Fuckface and...
FACT:
lindsaykatai:
Conan’s goodbye message, in which he urges young people not to be cynical, has been quoted, posted, tweeted about, and reblogged by some of the MOST CYNICAL PEOPLE I KNOW.
He gave all of us crusty, hard hearted cranks a reason to believe. DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT???????
“I mean, he took away my Google Chat freedom!”
– Lady at this Coffee Bean browsing OKCupid with her friend/choosing not to use her indoor voice.
Spoon - Black Like Me
3 tags
I just watched Conan's final Tonight Show
His speech brought me to tears. Were there any other pansy ass, idealistic, comedy obsessed writers with a burning desire to have long fruitful careers in the entertainment industry who were as affected as I was? Probably. I regret taking his show for granted. To my credit, I have a short attention span for all late night talk shows, mostly because of the monologues and the guests I don’t...
My First Kiss: An Embarrassingly True Story
In the summer going into 9th grade I had a huge crush on Steph (last name redacted). She was “artsy” (shut up).
I had just started hanging out with a group of kids who were funny and weird and interesting, and I felt a little intimidated. You know the types: a girl who’s “openly bi,” a dude with leopard spots dyed into his hair, a “poet” obsessed with Bob...
Datarock - True Stories
It took me a good 20...
