The Vaccines - If You Wanna ‘That’s...
"It's Totally Safe"
So, I decided to keep track of things that my landlord does that both worry and reassure me at the same time. For a little backstory, my roommate’s ceiling has had a persistent, mild to serious leak for almost a full year. It started raining the second or third night we moved in and we both said “uh oh,” and called our landlord immediately. This began a steady process of workers...
Okay I bought a Dodos ticket.
April 8th. El Rey. CAN’T WAIT. DON’T WANT TO WAIT. NOT INTERESTED IN WAITING.
God And The Pizza Are Raging Inside Me
French Kicks - Sunday Night Is Fair
I had a dream that brilliant comedian and writer Dino Stamatopolous killed himself. It was HORRIBLE. I’ve never met the man, but it was still a really upsetting dream. Then, this morning, I woke up to find that I’d gotten the following two emails overnight: A Vyou question asking my opinion on assisted suicide. An Amazon recommendation for season one of Morel Orel, the Adult Swim...
If I ever make an online dating profile...
here’s what my “Interests” section will say: I like a good soup.
What's the opposite of the Bone-Zone, you ask?
Why, it’s the Platone-Zone, of course. You’re welcome.
Commercial Fan Fiction #1
justinbecker: Dictionary.com defines “fan fiction” as a “fictional account written by a fan of a show, movie, book, or video game to explore themes and ideas that will not or cannot be explored via the originating medium.” Let it be known henceforth, on this day of Monday, March 21st, in the 2011th year of our lord Jeezie Chreezie, that I have added one more type of fan fiction to the world: The...
Quotes From My Brother, Part 3
(Note, cute girl at party has slightly longer than chin length brown hair)
CUTE GIRL AT PARTY: Hey, have you guys seen a girl, totally adorable, really short brown hair?
BROTHER: Yeah, she's standing right in front of me.
Quotes From My Brother, Part 2
FRIEND: Noel Gallagher just walk out of that bar down the street!
ME: No way!
BROTHER: Is that the guy that smashes watermelons?
Quotes From My Brother, Part 1
MY BROTHER: Sometimes I walk across the street and I see a really nice car and I think, 'I hope that one hits me.'
MY BROTHER: You know, like, I'd rather it be a nicer car than a shitty car, so I could sue them for more money.
ME: That's a really weird thing to think. I'm going to quote you.
MY BROTHER: Feel free to clean up what I said, so it sounds better.
My brother's coming to visit this weekend!
I’m so excited to pick him up this afternoon! We’re going to have so much fun! Here’s what I’ve got planned so far: a hangover.
Nostalgic Shame: The St. Paddy's Day Blackout
I was a Senior at Emerson College. I had just started dating an adorable French girl. I was completing a jokey thesis film that came out looking like… well, a jokey thesis film from 2005. And I was also WAY into sketch and improv comedy. Probably more-so sketch, but improv was something I was enthralled by. I wished I could master it, and I studied it voraciously. Unfortunately, doing it is...
funnyordie: Adrien Brody Sings for Stella Artois Adrien Brody has an amazing new commercial for Stella Artois. Ryan Perez for Mayor! Also, Anne Rieman, Codi Fischer, Angela Trimbur, Allan McLeod, and Nick Wiger for other things!
The Futureheads - Hounds of Love (Kate Bush cover)
dealbreaker: DEALBREAKER ADVICE CORNER #10 (PART II): Erin Gibson In this thrilling conclusion, our heroes discuss religious preference, blunt arrogance, and of course, burritos. Follow Erin on Twitter @gibblertron, check out her website, or bookmark her blog, Models Are Smart. And of course, if you’ve got a question for us, submit it HERE. (Part 1) All three of your questions will be...
dealbreaker: Dealbreaker Advice Corner #10: Erin Gibson (Part 1) Current TV’s Erin Gibson joined the advice corner for a little romance talk. Topics include having a crush on your best friend, sex related injury, and Erin’s obvious xenophobia. Erin’s 9 kinds of funny.
Sunset Rubdown - You Go On Ahead (Trumpet Trumpet...
Episode 13: Dave Horwitz →
girlsgonegoldberg: This week on the podcast the Idiot King Dealbreaker himself, Dave Horwitz, joins us for some speculation on a little film called Strawberry Goes To Washington. These are my favorite people to talk nonsense with for an hour.
The First Joke I Ever Wrote/Told
From the first time I did stand-up, 7+ years ago: I was spreading peanut butter on my dick last week, and I thought to myself, “Man, I really need to get a dog.” So then I got a dog, and I was licking peanut butter off of his dick, and I thought to myself, “I wish I wasn’t allergic to peanut butter.”
The State Of My Brain, 3/9/11: I Blame Sheen
Is that okay? I needed a scapegoat, and Charlie Sheen seems like the perfect mark. He’s front and center in terms of public consciousness, he’s totally unavoidable, and he’s taking up more space in most people’s brains than they’re probably all willing to admit. Maybe he’s the reason why everything’s felt a little off lately. If America wants to make him...