February 2012
2 tags
3 tags
1 tag
3 tags
OKSKAR PIX
BEDS PIXCTUR: WAR WARS
BESDS AKOR: BRA PID IN MONKEYBONE
BETS AKRISS: OCTAPILS SPINCSER IN THE HELG
BESZ SPORTIGG AKRER: CHRISPOR PLUMS IN BEGRS
BSET SPORTS AKRSIST: CARGY MULGINS IN SHIME
BEXD ORGANIC SKREETPLEA: WOODLY ALMONDS IN PARIZ
BESAT DIERCTOER: MAERDY SCORES IN HUGE
I just tried to get a little piece of lint off of...
And she swatted at me and ran away.
In that moment, I understood motherhood.
Happy Mother’s Day Thursday, everyone.
2 tags
3 tags
1 tag
1 tag
Jon Brion - Gotta Start Somewhere
1 tag
“You’re like Lloyd Dobler if he was a jewish comedian.”
– Ned Hepburn, summing me up in one sentence.
1 tag
1 tag
1 tag
I have a very particular set of skills.
Sandwich making.
Napping.
Getting hangovers.
Guessing what time it is (usually within 4 minutes).
Doing accurate impressions of people who aren’t famous.
Cutting myself shaving.
Befriending other people’s pets.
Brewing and icing large quantities of tea.
All-day procrastination followed by 1.5 hours of extreme productivity.
Perfectly (half) ironing a button down shirt.
...
3 tags
2 tags
2 tags
Valentines Day Tips: How To Make It "Special"
Candy is SO ??-2011. This year, get your V-tine a glob of hummus that you can both (Ghost-pottery style) form it into the shape of a heart.
February 14th is the perfect time to reveal that less-than-normal fetish of yours. If it’s REALLY elaborate, you can even go to the grocery/car repair store to gather the “ingredients” (car battery, anti-freeze, kale). It’ll be...
1 tag
Paul McCartney Vs. Time
TIME: Paul, you are old.
PAUL: No, I'm not!
TIME: Seriously, you have been alive for a really long time. Just be old, it's okay.
PAUL: NO! I'm awesome! Sometimes I look like a lady but I still have semi-convincingly dark hair and I can sing! And young women will have sex with me because I have 9 billion dollars.
TIME: Okay, fine, just don't run around or anything, because you're really old.
PAUL: Nope! Running anyway! And jumping!
TIME: Oh, did you make a deal with the devil?
PAUL: Bitch, I AM the devil! Live and let die my ass! I'm never gonna die!
Paul disappears in a cloud and turns into a pile of million dollar bills.
1 tag
2 tags
Ignore This
So I don’t know if ADD is a thing. I mean, it’s clearly a thing, but how real of a thing? All I know is that I got up at 9 to write and I have spent literally three hours on the internet doing nothing. I watched some music videos. I picked up the smaller of the two cats that live in my apartment. I put her down because she bit me. I can’t get the fuck out of my own way today. I...
Watchronbabcock:
alisonagosti:
Joe Hartzler of UCB’s Up, Up, Up! talkin’ about team changes.
“You’ve put in the time, everybody knows that.”
This is great.
Joe Hartzler is one of the funniest people in the goddamn motherfucking world.
3 tags
2 tags
I want all of you
To imagine Craig Finn from the Hold Steady talk-singing the Pixies’ Bone Machine. All of it, but specifically this line:
I was talking to Preachy-Preach about Kissy-Kiss
That has been in my head for 6 months. Now it’s in your head. Enjoy.
3 tags
ONE ACT PLAY: The Red Light
One man, of African American descent/persuasion, leans out the passenger's side window of his friend's vehicle and calls to me as I walk down the street with two friends.
MAN: Hey, man why you got an afro if you ain't a negro?
ME: (Laughing) Awww, come on man!
MAN: What you doing with an afro, son? You ain't no negro!
ME: (Yelling) Awww, come on man!
MAN: But you're not a negro! You're not supposed to have that afro!
ME: (Screaming exasperatedly) AWWW COME ON, MAN!!!!
1 tag
1 tag
Watchmisskatie:
new episode up of the Katie Willert Experience!
if you, or anyone you know is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, get help.
Katie nailed it.
1 tag
Movies I Haven't Seen
In honor of Groundhog Day being today, and the movie of the same name (which I haven’t seen), I thought I’d compile a list of other well known/loved movies I’ve never seen. Warning: this list has been known to piss off everyone from film buffs to casual viewers.
Titanic
Top Gun
The Godfather (pts. 1-3)
The Lord of the Rings (pts. 1-3)
The Rock
Avatar
Raging Bull
Raiders...
1 tag
Make A Note Of This 2/1/12
Welp…
I’ve immediately decided against doing this, and have taken the plunge into actually keeping a handwritten log of things. In hindsight, it’s ridiculous to limit myself only to things I’d want to share with others. If this is really going to be for me, It’ll truly be JUST for me.
I hope I remember how to hold a… what’s the word?
Pen.
2 tags
Memory Experiment.
I have a terrible memory. I can’t remember conversations that I had yesterday. I can’t remember how or when I met certain people. I can’t remember the address and apartment number of my best friends sometimes.
That is why I’m going to start cataloguing my day on this thing. In addition to all the other assorted bullshit I post on here, I’m going to write about more...
