May 2012
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Noise From The Korean Church Parking Lot Next Door
So far, starting at 8 AM, I’ve heard:
-Yelling.
-Laughing.
-The sounds of heavy objects being hurled into an empty metal dumpster.
-The sound of a dozen guys struggling to move an object.
-The sound of revealing that object to be a piano.
-Someone playing “Violet Hill” by Coldplay on said piano.
-A dozen guys scream-singing “Violet Hill” by Coldplay.
-A half...
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One Act Play: Nympho
MAN 1: Dude, how are things going with that girl?
MAN 2: DUDE, she’s a total nympho!
MAN 1: DUDE! THAT’S SICK!!!
MAN 2: No, I mean she’s literally a nymphomaniac.
MAN 1: I KNOW DUDE! GET SOME, BRO!
Man 1 goes for a high five, Man 2 does not reciprocate.
Man 2: No, man. She’s a clinically diagnosed Nymphomaniac. Her last marriage fell apart because of it. She...
I FINALLY saw The Avengers.
Now I understand 75% of my dashboard for the last month.
talliemedel:
Hooray for Cocoon Central Dance Team and Warm Weather! This is my first video conception, shot by frequent collaborators Alex Fischer and Timothy Whitney. Kind feedback from the music blog community; thanks to buzzbands.la and youaintnopicasso.com
Such a simple and wonderful video. Watch this NOW!
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Breaking: Los Angeles Writer Spirals Out Of...
REUTERS: Local comedy writer/large eyebrowed, ambiguously mediterranean looking hand model reject Dave Horwitz has hit rock bottom and ordered a grilled chicken and avocado sandwich to be delivered from a restaurant 4 blocks from his Los Feliz apartment.
“I’ve had this sandwich before, and it’s not even that good,” said Horwitz, nursing a single beer at 12:40pm. “I...
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Advice For Ladies
Ladies, you gotta
Think like a man,
Act like a lady,
Sleep like a baby,
Eat like a bird,
Drink like a fish,
Fuck like a hooker,
Curse like a sailor,
Rock like a hurricane,
Drive like a robot,
Kill like a soldier,
Walk like a crab,
Fight like an inmate,
Die like a cat (9 times),
Have an exoskeleton like a roach,
Be mealy like an old pear,
Contain beans, rice, cheese and meat like a...
Anonymous asked: This guy I know always texts me saying "I wanna fuck the shit out of you." Obviously this is gross wording and an inadequate approach for getting into my pants. What is a good funny comeback?
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Taking Control Of Your Life, One Organic Juice At...
Recently, I’ve started hiking several times a week and watching what I eat. I’m not lifting weights or running (I made a feeble attempt and hurt my grandpa knees), or even really dieting, I’m just suddenly incredibly conscious of what I’m putting into my body and how I’m treating it. It could be my age (I look incredibly well preserved for 46), but it could also be...
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FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Oh holy fucking shit, it’s Friday. Are you fucking ready for this, you sick bitches? It’s time to grab the weekend by it’s rubbery taint skin and never let go. Is that clear enough for you? TGIF doesn’t begin to do it justice. Maybe TAUFGIFFYPOS, as in Thank An Ugly Fucking God It’s Fucking Friday You Piece Of Shit!! You ready for this? You man/woman/dog enough to...
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A Kiss From Daddy - Theme Restaurant
The amazing Kathryn Burns choreographed this sketch my group A Kiss From Daddy did in 2010 at the UCB theatre. It remains one of my favorite scenes we’ve ever done.
Starring Eva Anderson, Neil Campbell, Mike Cassady, Allan McLeod, Nick Wiger, Mookie Blaiklock, and Dave Horwitz
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I've got a message for the two Israeli lesbians...
Proceed.
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I just remembered...
…that when I was very young, I found out that Marvin Gaye’s father shot and killed him. I asked my dad why Mr. Gaye would shoot his own son, and my dad told me that I was because he was upset that his lyrics were too sexy. A mildly extensive search tells me that this was not true at all.
I guess my dad REALLY didn’t want me to become an R&B singer. It worked!