My name is Dave Horwitz.
I am a writer living in LA. I perform at the UCB.
My friend and I created DEALBREAKER and we wrote a book about it. I make videos too. If that's not enough, I also
Tweet.
DEHorwitz at gmail . com

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13th December 2011

Photo with 51 notes

I took this picture with my phone. My fucking phone! My new iPhone. I have a new iPhone. And I have a new apartment and a new bed and it’s not a fancy bed but it’s comfortable and it’s new and that means I’m it’s first owner. And I have some great friends and I had a good year of work and I got to write for a television show and I got to find out that that’s what I want to do with my life and I still have other projects I’m working on/excited about. And I have Louis CK’s new special on my desktop and I’ve watched it twice and I’m so happy that he exists and I’ll never forget the time that my friend Zeph and I saw him at the same club I started at and we had to stand and he did an hour and half and my sides and stomach hurt the next day from laughing. He was so funny he HURT me. And I remember he said something incendiary about God and someone gasped and he looked at them, then he looked up to the sky with his middle finger up and said “Fuck you, God, you can’t hurt me.” And that memory was so great and so vibrant and bright that even after probably 7 or 8 years I still remember it even thought I can’t remember my parents anniversary. I’m happy I have that memory. I’m happy about so many things that they all gang up against the things I am unhappy about, like being unemployed for the first time in a while even though I know it’s temporary. Like being worried that I might be allergic to cats, after having just moved into an apartment with two of them. I am 28, I’ve never felt sick around cats, but now I sneeze in my own house. But you know what? They make Claritin and Allegra and vacuum cleaners and I have a HOME. Any time I get sad or worried about this stuff I’m going to think about being at the Unemployment office yesterday, in the rain, trying to re-open my old claim. As I waited there on one of their greasy old phones, I watched a woman with a Disney Adventures backpack (probably free from the magazine they sold at supermarkets when I was in 6th grade) and the most beat up purse I’ve ever seen. She was BAWLING her eyes out because she left the purse in the bathroom and someone stole all the money she had in the world. It sounded like it was around $100. Everything rattling around in my brain felt so small. Everything is fine. Everything’s going to be okay. Because the zit on my forehead and the saltwater in my eyes from a possible cat allergy will be gone eventually. In 10 years, none of this is going to mean anything. I hope I don’t remember writing this in a decade, but I hope I remember Louis CK flipping God the bird until the day I die.

I took this picture with my phone. My fucking phone! My new iPhone. I have a new iPhone. And I have a new apartment and a new bed and it’s not a fancy bed but it’s comfortable and it’s new and that means I’m it’s first owner. And I have some great friends and I had a good year of work and I got to write for a television show and I got to find out that that’s what I want to do with my life and I still have other projects I’m working on/excited about.

And I have Louis CK’s new special on my desktop and I’ve watched it twice and I’m so happy that he exists and I’ll never forget the time that my friend Zeph and I saw him at the same club I started at and we had to stand and he did an hour and half and my sides and stomach hurt the next day from laughing. He was so funny he HURT me. And I remember he said something incendiary about God and someone gasped and he looked at them, then he looked up to the sky with his middle finger up and said “Fuck you, God, you can’t hurt me.” And that memory was so great and so vibrant and bright that even after probably 7 or 8 years I still remember it even thought I can’t remember my parents anniversary. I’m happy I have that memory.

I’m happy about so many things that they all gang up against the things I am unhappy about, like being unemployed for the first time in a while even though I know it’s temporary. Like being worried that I might be allergic to cats, after having just moved into an apartment with two of them. I am 28, I’ve never felt sick around cats, but now I sneeze in my own house. But you know what? They make Claritin and Allegra and vacuum cleaners and I have a HOME.

Any time I get sad or worried about this stuff I’m going to think about being at the Unemployment office yesterday, in the rain, trying to re-open my old claim. As I waited there on one of their greasy old phones, I watched a woman with a Disney Adventures backpack (probably free from the magazine they sold at supermarkets when I was in 6th grade) and the most beat up purse I’ve ever seen. She was BAWLING her eyes out because she left the purse in the bathroom and someone stole all the money she had in the world. It sounded like it was around $100. Everything rattling around in my brain felt so small.

Everything is fine. Everything’s going to be okay. Because the zit on my forehead and the saltwater in my eyes from a possible cat allergy will be gone eventually. In 10 years, none of this is going to mean anything. I hope I don’t remember writing this in a decade, but I hope I remember Louis CK flipping God the bird until the day I die.

Tagged: the state of my brain

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