My name is Dave Horwitz.
I am a writer living in LA. I perform at the UCB.
My friend and I created DEALBREAKER and we wrote a book about it. I make videos too. If that's not enough, I also
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DEHorwitz at gmail . com

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8th May 2012

Text with 27 notes

Anonymous asked: This guy I know always texts me saying "I wanna fuck the shit out of you." Obviously this is gross wording and an inadequate approach for getting into my pants. What is a good funny comeback?

Well, the fact that you’re taking issue with his choice of wording and not the content suggests that you’re open to the idea, but don’t like how he’s asking. In this situation, I’d go with “you might wanna lay down a tarp first,” or “I hope you’ve got brown sheets” if you want to outgross him. If you’re trying to call his bluff, I’d go with “and how exactly would you do that? Show your work and include sketches.” If you’re just trying to embarrass him, a good choice is “I got a new phone. Which of the several dozen people I’m currently fucking is this?” And for fun’s sake, an emoji of a piece of shit followed by a smiling cupcake always does the trick. Good luck!

  1. theidiotking posted this