My name is Dave Horwitz.
I am a writer living in LA. I perform at the UCB.
My friend and I created DEALBREAKER and we wrote a book about it. I make videos too. If that's not enough, I also
Tweet.
DEHorwitz at gmail . com

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8th May 2012

Text with 50 notes

Advice For Ladies

Ladies, you gotta

Think like a man,

Act like a lady,

Sleep like a baby, 

Eat like a bird,

Drink like a fish,

Fuck like a hooker,

Curse like a sailor,

Rock like a hurricane,

Drive like a robot,

Kill like a soldier,

Walk like a crab,

Fight like an inmate,

Die like a cat (9 times),

Have an exoskeleton like a roach,

Be mealy like an old pear,

Contain beans, rice, cheese and meat like a flour tortilla,

And also have a penis like a man.

TRUST ME LADIES!

Tagged: advice for ladieslistomania

  1. zeelaonmars reblogged this from theidiotking and added:
    agreed
  2. mirablah reblogged this from theidiotking
  3. little-bropeep reblogged this from theidiotking
  4. andeventhis reblogged this from theidiotking
  5. sun-smudged-peach-moon reblogged this from mchotdog
  6. herheadsonfire reblogged this from theidiotking
  7. eatspoopsandleaves reblogged this from theidiotking
  8. musiciansdaughter said: I feel like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day”… “Me, me, me… geez, I’m really close on this one.”
  9. mchotdog reblogged this from theidiotking and added:
    boy knows whats up
  10. otherthingsisay reblogged this from theidiotking and added:
    It’s advice for ladies by a dude on the Internet. A bazillion notes for Dave!
  11. greatest-success said: I feel as if I’ve just gained new life-goals.
  12. theidiotking posted this