My name is Dave Horwitz.
I am a writer living in LA. I perform at the UCB.
My friend and I created DEALBREAKER and we wrote a book about it. I make videos too. If that's not enough, I also
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DEHorwitz at gmail . com

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30th May 2012

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This is by far the greatest spam email I’ve ever received. David Horwitz,  Buddy, did you know that Bob Chapman broke up with lifetime sweehearty last month? And the actual reason for that was simple - they had not F..U.C..K..ED for absolutely long piece of time. Thats it, only then Bob Chapman saw this: [gibberish link] But this was too, fcuking, late. “lifetime sweethearty,” a thing that not even a 1960s TV robot would say. “Hmm… what’s a normal enough name to drop to fool this guy into thinking this is a real email?” “Well… everyone knows a Bob Chapman!” I wish I knew how long that piece of time was.  Acronym-ing “fucked” so that is seems like a government organization. And then a link. What is that link!? Is it a link for Bob to learn that he’s still attracted to his former sweethearty? What could possibly be on the other end of that link? An offer for a pill that makes you want to make sweethearty love to your lifetime sweethearty? I’ll never know, because I don’t want a trojan horse virus.  Too little too late, Chapman! Should have clicked that link before the ol’ SH (Sweethearty) took off with the mailman! Dear Bob Chapman, good luck. I’m sure another lifetime sweethearty is right around the corner. And I hope you two F..U.C……K all the time.

This is by far the greatest spam email I’ve ever received.

David Horwitz, 

Buddy, did you know that Bob Chapman broke up with lifetime sweehearty last month?

And the actual reason for that was simple - they had not F..U.C..K..ED for absolutely long piece of time.

Thats it, only then Bob Chapman saw this: [gibberish link]

But this was too, fcuking, late.

  1. “lifetime sweethearty,” a thing that not even a 1960s TV robot would say.
  2. “Hmm… what’s a normal enough name to drop to fool this guy into thinking this is a real email?” “Well… everyone knows a Bob Chapman!”
  3. I wish I knew how long that piece of time was. 
  4. Acronym-ing “fucked” so that is seems like a government organization.
  5. And then a link. What is that link!? Is it a link for Bob to learn that he’s still attracted to his former sweethearty? What could possibly be on the other end of that link? An offer for a pill that makes you want to make sweethearty love to your lifetime sweethearty? I’ll never know, because I don’t want a trojan horse virus. 
  6. Too little too late, Chapman! Should have clicked that link before the ol’ SH (Sweethearty) took off with the mailman!

Dear Bob Chapman, good luck. I’m sure another lifetime sweethearty is right around the corner. And I hope you two F..U.C……K all the time.

Tagged: spam robots

  1. yachtrock said: Fact: Bob Chapman’s lifetime sweethearty was Robert Ferg.
  2. tessastrain said: LIFETIME SWEETHEARTY.
  3. pauljay reblogged this from theidiotking and added:
    Try to read this out loud to yourself without doing it in a Russian accent. Let me save you the trouble IT’S IMPOSSIBLE
  4. theidiotking posted this