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Hey tiger. How’s every little thing? Not so good you say? Why’s that? Did you spill coffee on your brand new shirt? The one you saw in the store window and had your very first “buy it off the mannequin” moment? I’m sorry. That shirt is pretty fantastic by the way. You might not have the disposable income to justify such a purchase, but just know that it’s worth it because I can’t take my eyes off of it, stain or not. For the rest of the day, it’s a badge. An annoying badge you earned when you forgot where the mouthhole was on your coffee cup and took a dreaded no-look sip, but a badge nonetheless, and badges are worn with pride. Besides, that’s not what’s really on your mind, is it? I know what it is: you tried to ask out your crush but you were too vague about your intentions and now you’ve found yourself stuck in the Friend Zone, which is the loneliest zone to ever contain the word “friend” in it. Look, don’t worry about it. You need to be bold! No more of this wishy washy “hang out and maybe grab coffee if you’re around” bullshit. No no, you need to approach with intent and purpose, and say what you really want. “You and I should go on a date tonight.” You know why? Because it’s Friday. Because you’re great. Because you deserve a positive reaction from a bold move. You’ve EARNED an ideal outcome springing from a brave gesture. That’s still not it? Whatever, it’s still good advice for someone. Either way, you should feel great. Give yourself a break and have a little faith in humanity. Maybe you’re just unsure of yourself. Maybe you made some minor mistake that’s gnawing away at you from the inside like a hungry dog. Maybe you’re carrying around the baggage of the entire week in a mental Jansport. Well, unzip that sucker and leave it all on the sidewalk. Give yourself a break if you can. Even if it’s just for a few minutes. Crack a window and yell at a squirrel. Make funny faces in the mirror until you make yourself laugh. Eat the most disgusting, delicious thing you can get your hands on and take a walk to justify the calorie consumption. Skip a stone. No wait, skip that one. Pretend to be a sausage magnate and eat at a fancy restaurant with your depressed friend and a pretty girl. Life’s too short to spend your time making wrinkles. Those will come with age, don’t speed up the process.
Oh, and also, someone probably loves you.
