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Okay FINE I admit it: I’m Courtney Stodden’s ghostwriter. I get paid $20 per tweet and all the 5 Hour Energy shots I can stomach (12 a day). Here are the unreleased tweets that DIDN’T make the cut:
-MAKING A SAVORY LOVER’S WAFFLE IN MY BED PLACE. MMMMM THAT IS THE DELICIOUS WAFFLE NOISE.
-A real joy in life is to stop and peel a grape in the most sexy of ways. Oooooooooh I hope I didn’t get any grape in my eye!
-Whence taking my feet for a loving stroll, I like to stop and look at the beautiful beauty of my sex-reflection on the hot sidewalk. Sizzle!
-Huffing compressed air straight from the nozzle makes my brain feel like the demons will never leave-WHOOPS. (*okay I understand why this one was rejected)
-THERE IS TRULY NO REAL TIME THAT IS BETTER THAN WHEN TWO LOVERS ENTWINE WITH SEXUAL FEELINGS UNDER THE BLISTERING TEMPE ARIZONA SUN.
I should have charged more for these tweets, but I take comfort knowing that they’re going to win me a Nobel Prize for literature.