My name is Dave Horwitz.
I am a writer living in LA. I perform at the UCB.
My friend and I created DEALBREAKER and we wrote a book about it. I make videos too. If that's not enough, I also
Tweet.
DEHorwitz at gmail . com

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6th September 2011

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The Unreleased Tweets of Courtney Stodden

Okay FINE I admit it: I’m Courtney Stodden’s ghostwriter. I get paid $20 per tweet and all the 5 Hour Energy shots I can stomach (12 a day). Here are the unreleased tweets that DIDN’T make the cut:

-MAKING A SAVORY LOVER’S WAFFLE IN MY BED PLACE. MMMMM THAT IS THE DELICIOUS WAFFLE NOISE.

-A real joy in life is to stop and peel a grape in the most sexy of ways. Oooooooooh I hope I didn’t get any grape in my eye! 

-Whence taking my feet for a loving stroll, I like to stop and look at the beautiful beauty of my sex-reflection on the hot sidewalk. Sizzle!

-Huffing compressed air straight from the nozzle makes my brain feel like the demons will never leave-WHOOPS. (*okay I understand why this one was rejected)

-THERE IS TRULY NO REAL TIME THAT IS BETTER THAN WHEN TWO LOVERS ENTWINE WITH SEXUAL FEELINGS UNDER THE BLISTERING TEMPE ARIZONA SUN.

I should have charged more for these tweets, but I take comfort knowing that they’re going to win me a Nobel Prize for literature.

Tagged: listomania

  1. pauljay reblogged this from theidiotking and added:
    Courtney Stodden defies parody, but Dave DEFIES COURTNEY STODDEN
  2. luckyshirt said: I love you.
  3. yourfriendsav said: “MAKING A SAVORY LOVER’S WAFFLE IN MY BED PLACE.” wins all the money. all the money!
  4. theidiotking posted this